Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
