apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
she looked like the before picture.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
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