The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I love you. Go after that dick
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
