At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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