Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
