Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Randomize
