new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
