saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
