I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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