I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
