Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Randomize
