K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
