Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
