Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
