At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
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