You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
