boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
