chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Randomize
