She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
