hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
