Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
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