you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
