It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
