Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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