it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I need to align my fucking chakras
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
