I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I met the friendliest cop last night
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
two words: eviction party
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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