I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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