dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
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