i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
