come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
