smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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