I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
