He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
did i walk over a car last night?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
