my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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