I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
