dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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