There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Randomize
