i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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