Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
being pregnant is like rehab
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
