don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
