She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
