i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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