We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
