I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
