Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
