Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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