just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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