I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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