I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
