I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
