I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
you will always have a special place in my vag
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
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