No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
