I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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