I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
