fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
