Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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