"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
