i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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