The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
