the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
