So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
