Just cropdusted the office
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
