I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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