Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
