uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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